Every month I’ll be letting you know what’s getting me all lathered up in a frenzy of excitement and what’s making me more miserable than Robbie Williams with a fistful of prescription meds.
1. Part Chimp
Thriller Check out the front cover for a start: zombie arms, space soldier, laser gun – and that’s fucking amazing enough without even listening to the sludgy genius that lurks within. If you buy one heavy rock album this year make it this one.
2. James Buckley playing a young Del Boy
The foulmouthed, sex starved star of The Inbetweeners is playing the sixteen year old Derek Trotter in a new Only Fools And Horses. Lovely jubbly!
Will it replace Lost? Who knows, but after 2 episodes full of cracking dialogue, stunning visuals and a delectable premise (can you change a future that you’ve already seen?) this could be the most discussed show on the ol’ goggle-box for some time.
4. Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2
I’m not a massive gamer but this is just too much fun to ignore. Take control of a bunch of Marvel superheroes in this updated Streets Of Rage style beat ‘em up that involves hours of button bashing but a satisfying sense of achievement every time you kick someone’s butt. My preference is to play as The Hulk – hilarious dialogue and maximum devastation.
5. DIY gigs
Why pay through the nose to see a second tier indie band fail to sparkle in Brixton Academy when you could head down to your local boozer and catch a plethora of hip young things plying their trade for less than the price of a pint? No booking fees, no rip off merch and no sound problems – rock’n’roll as it should be heard.
1. People who bring their bike on the train
For fuck’s sake either ride the thing or get public transport don’t do both. You look all smug in your lycra get-up and your little helmet pretending you’re super fit when in fact you cycle 2 mins to the station and 2 mins to your office (the same distance the rest of us WALK!) and your bike takes up valuable space on the train that the rest of us could use for little things….like breathing.
2. Lil Wayne’s appearance in the new Jay Sean video
a) Jay Sean is utter shite and b) Lil Wayne turns up looking like some weird amalgamation of a high school nerd and an alien who hasn’t quite worked out how to look completely human yet (like that fella in Men In Black)…and then he raps…..badly.
3. NME’s dead Rock star issue
With a new editor I mistakenly thought we might be in for really exciting changes in the UKs favourite (only) indie weekly. Sadly, the “New” in the title has been completely ignored in favour of a whole issue dedicated to “Old” music. If I wanna read about a load of forgotten heroes I’ll read Mojo, stick to your remit NME and tell me about someone I haven’t already heard of.
4. The filesharing debate
Bored now. People have been illegally sharing music for ages (I’ve still got loads of tapes made by my mates from when I were a nipper) and they’ll continue to do so. There will always be people who want to own and collect music (my flat looks like a record shop it’s so packed with records) and meanwhile there will always be people who want it for free (whether that be listening to the radio, copying CDs, illegally downloading or filesharing). The fact is the music industry had a lovely time for a while whilst everyone wanted CDs and sales rocketed. Now it faces the reality that there isn’t a universal format that people want to pay for anymore. Deal with it and move on.
5. Kids wearing glasses with no lenses in them
I’m not having this new fashion for being a spectacles wearer. I’ve worn glasses since I was 4 ‘cause my eyes are fucked. I was called ‘four-eyes’ and ‘speccy’ as a kid and quickly moved onto contact lenses as soon as I could. Now it seems that glasses are fashionable…so much so that kids are wearing them without any bloody lenses in them – what the hell is that all about? If you’d spent your formative years with the nickname Joe90 you wouldn’t find them so pissing cool now….you cunts.
until next time